Squirrels – UCLA On The Hill

Here at iMedia, we sat down for an interview with one of UCLA’s main squirrels. He wanted to remain anonymous, but you’ve probably seen him jumping in and out of various trash cans on the hill and terrifying the masses. Check it out below.

Beverly: So tell me a little about yourself.

Squirrel: I’m pretty local. Hobbies include reaching havoc on the lives of freshman, eating out of garbage cans, and sneak attacks.

Beverly: So what makes you tick?

Squirrel: Well, I literally have ticks. So…I’d have to say ticks.

Beverly: Favorite artist you’re listening to right now?

Squirrel: Miley Cyrus…is ratchet. No, I don’t have a favorite artist right now.

Beverly: So what is your crowd like?

Squirrel: I hangout with the rebel rousers of the pack. We like to stay out late, munch on leftover Rende, and not give two nuts about anything.

Beverly: Alright. It’s been great meeting you.

Squirrel: Peace (drops mic)

We sat down for an interview with the Boss Squirrel, head of operations at UCLA or Yukuhla to see what he has been up to as of late. Here it is:

So, you clearly enjoy eating human scraps. What do you enjoy nibblin’ on and why?

I like pizza at 10 PM from Late Night. I also like the boba Hedrick dining’s been throwin’ out recently. I like me some macadamias occasionally.

How do you find the courage to steal food from humans? They must be mighty big and scary.

Well, ya see. I’m the boss squirrel, you naw’ I’m sayin. I got me a group of minions who get the food for me while I just chill in our crib. Ya’ gotta work your way up. All these lil squirrels — they trynna be me. I’m like the queen bee, but the boss squirrel.

Where is your “crib”, Boss Squirrel?

That’s top secret. What you tryna do? Kill the squirrel squad at Yukuhla? We’re the people that make the school run proper.

W-we understand. Sorry. Please don’t take my Rende..

Alright, alright chill buddy. We won’t take your food. You can eat your take-out in peace.

Note: At this point, the interviewer in context (to be unidentified) runs away in fear. We have no further recordings of this said interview. Please contact us at ORL iMedia (310) 206-9876 if you have identified the whereabouts of our interviewer’s food. He starves in despair.